*I feel anxious knowing that someone might read this.Alas,I have to get this off my chest
I'm 24 y/o ,not working,not going to school.It's rotting to be superfluous.I know what I want in life but too debilitated to go for it.In fact,I know I can be an educator, a person who molds young minds.I've enrolled in different major,giving up on one to another,thinking,pretending,self talking I don't belong to be in that profession,always running away.I have very low self esteem,unsure of myself and weighing too much baggage from my shortcomings.My life is frozen.I don't know how to start,maybe I'm aware how to start but too coward to overcome my self-inflicted predicament.If only I have perfect body,hair and face,if only I'm attractive,if only I'm smart,wise and graceful then I can walk this life head held up high and win the heart of other attractive people.If only I can conceal the scar of the past,the taunting,bullying and sarcastic smile then I can move on with my life.This is me,I'm ashamed of what I have become.I'm a perfectionist.I loathe it.My life is not even close to normal.I want to love again,be in a committed relaitionship,to not give up despite feeling shitty,ugly and stupid.I wanna grow in a relaitionship.I want to be my old self, the scar-free,innocent, untainted self.I WANNA LIVE
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